Posts filed under ‘Silly-Point’
Now that I thunk about it, I have also found that if one replaces the bus in an analogy reflecting life like an email or opportunity or guests or ideas et al., it has often held true. Well, your mileage might vary but the error could atmost be +/- 1 bus. No?
This is inspired from many a movie where the hero can endure any punishment meted out by villains while pouting testesterone charged dialogues for the masses and particularly, a skit/scene in the ‘Monty Python Flying Circus’ film, “Life of Brian” where Brian gets arrested and is put in a dark battered cell with a pain immunized hedonistic-for-torture prisoner singing praises of the Romans. Here is a transcript of the dialogue converted into a monologue for your reading pleasure –
You lucky, lucky bastard! Probably the little jailies’ pet, aren’t we? You must have slipt him a few shekels, eh? Oh, ohoh, what wouldn’t I give to be spat at in the face? I sometimes hang awake at night, dreaming of being spat at in the face. Manacles! Ohuuhoh… what idea of reaving; is to be allowed to put in manacles, just for a few hours. They must think a sun shines out your arse, sonny! You’ve had a hard time!? I’ve been here five years, they only hung me the right way up yesterday! So don’t you come ’round… They must think you’re lord God Almighty. Oh, you’ll probably get away with crucifixion. Yeah. First offense. Best thing the Romans ever did for us. Oh, yeah. If we didn’t have crucifixion, this country’d be in a right bloody mess. Nail ’em up I say! Nail some sense into ’em! Hah! Ptui! [Spit] Oh! Look at that! Bloody favouritism! Now take my case. They hang me up here five years ago. Every night they take me down for twenty minutes, then they hang me up again. Which I guard as very fair, in view of what I’ve done. And if nothing else, it has taught me to respect the Romans, and it has taught me that you’ll never get anywhere in this life, unless you are prepared to do a fair day’s work for a fair day’s… Oh haha! Nice one, centurion! Like it. Terrific race, Romans! Terrific.
Yep! Terrific politicans, businessmen and police we have too. Truly blessed.
The most difficult and expensive phase is sending the satellite into the ether and even more important is what you do with it after because otherwise, it is just space junk. I rest my case. Let me be and ponder why that chicken is crossing the road.
Looking deeper, I questioned why would the guy in the picture be sick and pale and green? Could it be that idiot sod thinks this was not an advertisement but death caused/sponsored by some cola company? I could not put a finger on it but it made me wonder about tombs and sponsorship. This is hardly a futuristic phenomenon for there are instances all around us if we really looked. What is the Taj Mahal really but a tomb sponsored by erstwhile Mughal empire as a proxy display of power and wealth? It is high time before people saw it for what it is than some crazy idea of eternal love. Even so, there is documented evidence of slave labour, severed hands and whip deaths. Ditto with pyramids of Egypt which have traditionally been an icon of engineering prowess and cultural superiority but they are nothing but tombs of power-mad god-complex kings who even in death wanted to cross the river Styx first-class and craved for a premium deluxe specical place in heaven. No sirree, heaven was not enough to these buggers. They wanted box seats to watch the play as it unfolds down below. It makes me look at all these so-called wonders of the world with new eyes unveiling the monstrosity behind the farce and the ignoble intentions/cruelty behind these structures. To jest, all this started with a ponderance with why a cartoon character was puzzled in some random image of some booklet.
Casual listing of responses of 72 virgins to a suicide bomber who has just arrived in heaven in New Yorker magazine “Shouts and Murmurs” column by Steve Martin…
Virgin No. 01: Yuck
Virgin No. 02: Ick
Virgin No. 03: Ew
Virgin No. 04: Ow
Virgin No. 05: Do you like cats? I have fourteen!
Virgin No. 06: I’m Becky. I’ll be legal in two years
Virgin No. 07: Here, I’ll just pull down your zipper. Oh, sorry!
Virgin No. 08: Can we cuddle first?
Virgin No. 09: It was a garlic-and-onion pizza. Why?
Virgin No. 10: … there was this one time in band camp
Virgin No. 11: First you’re going to have to show me an up-to-date health certificate
Virgin No. 12: Hurry! My parents are due home!
Virgin No. 13: Do you want the regular or the special?
Virgin No. 14: I’m 84. So what?
Virgin No. 15: Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!
Virgin No. 16: Even I know that’s tiny
Virgin No. 17: “Do it”? Meaning what?
Virgin No. 18: I’m saving myself for Jesus
Virgin No. 19: Somewhere on my body I have hidden a buffalo nickel
Virgin No. 20: Don’t touch my hair!
Virgin No. 21: Typical. You’re gonna bang me and then go sleep with 71 others
Virgin No. 22: Do you mind if we listen to Mannheim Steamroller?
Virgin No. 23: Are you O.K. with the dog on the bed?
Virgin No. 24: Would you mind saying, “Come to my office, Miss Witherspoon?”
Virgin No. 25: Ride me! Ride me, Lucky Buck!
Virgin No. 26: You like your vanilla hot?
Virgin No. 27: Does Ookums like Snookums?
Virgin No. 28: It’s so romantic here, dead
Virgin No. 29: Well, I’m a virgin, but my hand isn’t
Virgin No. 30: You are in?
Virgin No. 31: Hi, cowboy. I just rode down from Brokeback Mountain
Virgin No. 32: I’m a virgin because I’m so ugly
Virgin No. 33: You like-ee?
Virgin No. 34: I’ll betcha you can’t get an erection. Show me, big shot
Virgin No. 35: BTW, here “virgin” has a slightly different meaning. It means “chatty”
Virgin No. 36: Sure, I like you, but as a friend
Virgin No. 37: No kissing. I save that for my boyfriend
Virgin No. 38: I’m Zania, from the planet Xeron. My vagina is on my foot
Virgin No. 39: It’s a lesion, and, no, I don’t know what kind
Virgin No. 40: I’m Jewish. Why do you ask?
Virgin No. 41: Hi, I’m Becky. Oh, whoops – you again. Allah. Not again
Virgin No. 42: I just love camping! It is so great! Can we go camping sometime?
Virgin No. 43: In the spirit of full disclosure, I’m a single mom
Virgin No. 44: You like my breasts? They were my graduation gift
Virgin No. 45: When you’re done, you should really check out how cool this ceiling is
Virgin No. 46: I’m almost there. Just another couple of hours
Virgin No. 47: Get your own beer, you nitwit
Virgin No. 48: No, you’ve got it wrong. We’re in the Paradise Casino
Virgin No. 49: I really enjoyed that. Thank you very much. Gee, it’s late
Virgin No. 50: You make me feel like a real woman. After this, I’m going to find one
Virgin No. 51: What do you mean, “move a little”?
Virgin No. 52: Not now. Am on my BlackBerry. What’re you gonna do? Blow up?
Virgin No. 53: I love it when you put on your pants and leave
Virgin No. 54: Sometimes it’s O.K. to say something mildly humorous
Virgin No. 55: That was terrible. I should have listened to the other virgins
Virgin No. 56: I think I found it. Is that it? Oh. Is this it? Oh, this must be it. No?
Virgin No. 57: It must be hot in here, because I know it’s not me
Virgin No. 58: Those are my testicles
Virgin No. 59: Did you know that “virgin” is an anagram of Irving?
Virgin No. 60: First “Spamalot,” then sex
Virgin No. 61: Great! I was hoping for circumcised
Virgin No. 62: Was that it?
Virgin No. 63: Dang. George Clooney was being reckless on a bike, but I get you
Virgin No. 64: Tonight, I become a woman. But until then you can call me Bob
Virgin No. 65: They’re called “adult diapers.” Why?
Virgin No. 66: We could do it here for free, or on a stage in Düsseldorf for money
Virgin No. 67: I’m just Virgin No. 67 to you, right?
Virgin No. 68: Pee-yoo. Are you wearing Aramis? And no fat mama jokes
Virgin No. 69: Condom, please
Virgin No. 70: My name is Mother Teresa.
Virgin No. 71: I’m not very good at this, but let’s start with Reverse Lotus Blossom
Virgin No. 72: It was paradise, until you showed up
I have a few more myself up my sleeve but Islam says that suicide bombers only get 72. So this is pretty much it. Better not mess with the facts of the Quran.
As Seinfeld puts it, the male mind literally numbs down in the presence of beauty (in the eyes of the beholder of course) and advertisers really take advantage of this. Don’t you love those ads where you see the woman in the bikini next to the 32-piece ratchet set? We’ll be looking at girl in bikini, then looking at the ratchet set, going:
All right, well if she’s right next to the ratchet set, and I had that ratchet set… I wonder if that would mean that by transitive… I better just buy the ratchet set
Who knew, observational stand-up comedy could be so profound, eh? I have never heard of a beautiful woman ever getting a parking fine or speeding ticket. In fact, I am aware of instances where women try to validate themselves by committing a crime and see if they still have it in them to escape the lonely long hands of male officer enforced law. Apparently, it is not that hard and if so, they can do whatever they want. Flirt a little and a beautiful woman is off the death row. Flash a boob, or two, and a beautiful woman gets free taxi rides. Wars have been fought over women and many a friendship and kinship has been lost because of beauty. Gotta love the fair sex. Or comprehend the stupidity of the primitive male brain. Unfortunately, they are both impossible. Many people have tried and failed. Helen of Troy (not, Diane Kruger, you fools) is famed to have a face that launched a 1000 ships according to Iliad by Homer (not the Simpson, it should be said). Mel Gibson could have been very wrong. Women, not Jews, are responsible for all the foolish acts of men during entire tenure of primate history before and after civilization. That is a considerable amount of time and an extraordinary number of actions happening even now as we speak. There goes another failed attempt at conquest in a bar. Another feeble attempt at office romance. Keep on trying guys. To infinity and beyond and all that.