Dirty Politics and Corrupt Society – ToI Contest

Here is my entry to ‘World Cartoonists Day’ celebration contest by Times-of-India –

The theme was ‘Politics with the times…’ or ‘We, the society…’ and I thought why not do something that would be about both? After all, politics and society can hardly be separated. Watch this space…

Street Food Taste Secret Ingredient = Street

Please ignore for uno momento why millions of dollars of taxpayers money worldwide is going into studies that show that the true taste of food comes from a combination of how it smells, looks, sounds and finally, environment – believe it. No wonder then idiotic cooking courses, useless cookery shows and silly cooking competitions place a lot of onus on the presentation/garnishing and restaurants focus on ambience and the “experience” rather than the food itself. For example, there are morons in Canada who eat in total darkness to enhance the smells and sounds and taste. Then there are these morons in USA who eat in complete silence. Yet another morons in Germany who cook meals chromatically i.e. based on colour. Here we are as a species struggling to put even basic food on the plates of all humans, struggling to scrape funding for space travel etc. and here are people who are spending their entire lives obsessed with food. If only all these researchers who made such bad life decisions and funding bodies who made such bad financial decisions could have heard a quip by one Sadhana Vishnu Vardhan on 23rd April of some year outside the canteen of NIT-Warangal – “… canteen food taste is because of the canteen …” How true and words to live or rather to keep up with food analogy, “eat” by –

In other words, the secret ingredient for the taste is the street – the pollution, the filth, the dirt, the particulates, the gutter, the parasites, the flies, the stagnation, the germs, the stench, the putridicity et al. – don’t let the ‘Kung-Fu Panda’ motto of no secret ingredient in secret noodle soups and blank dragon scrolls fool you with its epiphany.

[add – 20141029] The full sketch on CWorks – http://bit.ly/1ymQU1r

Congress Sinking Ship – Shehzada is King of World

Just been to the voting booth, polling-station#192 at Andhra University to be precise, voted and got inked… err, pressed some buttons for all one can say in India is exactly this for there has been quite a hue and cry and controversy of rigging the electronic voting machines (EVM) which are yet to be resolved. Digression apart and a standard disclaimer is that I could be way off base here but the pulse of the public at the booths and queues is that Congress is a sinking ship and I just could not stop myself from doing this for it was just too easy and low-hanging for me to ignore it –
I would not dismiss and shrug it off as ‘good riddance’ because the truth of the matter is that while Congress might not get into power in the center, it could still get into power in some states. In fact, I can say for certainity that Congress will win in Amethi inspite of the well documented ‘Amethi Model of Development’ which is honestly a misnomer by Arkalgud Anantaramiya Surya Prakash for there is no “development” to speak of in Amethi since the Nehru family adopted it as its flag-bearing puppet namoona dummy stronghold. What does this remind me of?
Ah yes, a virus. it is almost like Congress is a virus and as we all know, a virus never really dies and cannot be truly eradicated – it just stays dormant for a while and when the conditions are again right, it raises its ugly head, infects and goes on its merry way to spread disease, worms, filth and all that ensues in its wake. Be as it may, even if Congress sinks without a trace in this and forthcoming governments, the dynasty with its shehzada will live long and prosper like kings on the loot and plunder amassed and by brandishing and exploiting the pirated Gandhi name for generations to come and go, forever for eternity. Tsk, it takes all kinds to make this world.

Veering Away from Politics, Try – Word Play

As a matter of principle and in the interests of keeping my sanity, I tend to veer away from politics, especially India politics, for it is like the fatalistic song of sirens (hey, a nautical reference), or rather the cacophony of ugly fat corrupt neethi jaathi viswaasam leni neech kameene somberi bevarse haraam khor shehzade pigs (sorry, pigs) that many a sailor, or rather the illiterate ignoramuses sad excuse of sheeple called Indians has been lured to waste inexplicable inconceivable unimaginable unrecoverable amounts of time and many a ships have crashed on the never-ending jagged useless rocks of maggot poo that media tends to portrait as democracy, particularly, the cheap nautanki gutter circus called India democracy. According to Wikipedia, the Greek mythology lore on Sirens says that the song of the sirens is irresistible but since they reside beyond unpassable reefs and rocky coasts, shipwreck was a given and the sailors preyed upon by the sirens like cannibals or left on the coast without food and water to rot into stinking corpses. Either way, the allegory has a simile to India politics, or poltics in general, and is it any wonder that I try with all my wee physical and disturbed mental might to veer away?
But I suppose that boat has sailed (hey, another nautical metaphor – my mom is right, I am special and so are my teachers – I am a smart cookie after all) and so, while my boat is crashing into the rocks and am coaxed by the sweeper to MLA/MP/ZP campaigning in a beemer to vote, let me just say that am voting for change and hopefully, progress. It could be any party or candidate. I shudder to advise especially to bonafide idiots who have by and large voted time and again for a dynasty and monarchy to rule for 60+ years directly or indirectly or by proxy of this hopelessly wretched country but while I do not really care if any of you vote or not, but if you do like am going to even if its only because it is fashionable, here is a plea to vote for change and hopefully, progress and while at it, try to veer away from politics whose operative word is ‘tics’ which even animals would attest are blood sucking, disease spreading, scalp itching, skin irritating, ear infecting, greedy bloated parasites. Put any political symbolism like khadi and ticks become politicians. Ipso facto. QED.

Consequences of Selling Votes – Rotten Rut

Now that the Lok-Sabha elections are underway, here is a message from a psuedo-sponsor, I-Am-Aam, that there are consquences to selling votes. So, please do us all a favour, and more importantly, do yourselves a big favour and do not sell your votes for it could not only lead to metaphorical death of integrity but also an undignified cruel physical death by bills, taxes, poverty, starvation, garbage, disease etc. –
You have been told nicely and have been warned. Full story here at CWorks.

Consequences of Not Voting – Loss of Rights

Democracy is an interesting idea, especially in India. With less than 50% polling in just about every election at any ward, muncipality, district, assembly, national and everything in between, any government and official that was elected was in effect, a government and official that a majority did not want or to be more accurate, did not care nor had anything to do with it. Within those votes casted, a majority of them were bought and rigged. Basically, if you do the math and think deep enough, power is where the money is at and this is a self-perpetuating vicious cycle which can only be broken if a majority actually got off their lazy asses and voted. Kindly vote, not just in these elections but every elections at every level – voting is a right, and not voting is well, a wrong and defaults to a loss of rights, even the right to complain which desi brown Indians like to do a lot. Like, a lot lot. You have been warned –

With many TV channels, political parties and celebrities doing their bits to cajole and inspire people to vote, I suppose a peddler of silly posts on an unknown nondescript nacheez blog can only do so much but here is a little more word-play. If you don’t exercise your right, you will be left with regret and there will be consequences and side-effects that could include indiscriminate mining, erosion of farm-lands, unbridled pollution, losing of rights to protest, getting your ass kicked, chided by public, having your house bulldozed, living under tree, singing and begging on trains, irritable bowels, and seriously no kidding, hair loss, skin darkening, weight gain and horror of horrors, politicians staking the moral highground… vagaira vagaira.

Ashok Inner-AAM: Rise Against Corrupt Lawyers

While discussing corruption by government, police, lawyers and courts, Neha Shah of I-Am-Aam came across an Android App for Code-for-Civil-Practice and thought it is an empowering tool when being mistreated by a government official i.e. a cool new-age Inner-AAM solution. I was not sold on it for I tend to buy the story, not the product and wondered about the people behind the app. Call it gut or instinct, but I had a feeling that whoever was behind the apps (there are a bunch by the same development team on IPC (Indian Penal Code), RTI (Right To Information), MVA (Motor Vehicle Act), JJA (Juvenile Justice Act) et al. here) must have an interesting story to tell. Being the resourceful lass that she is, Neha pursued the suggestion, accepted the challenge and dug out the app developer, Ashok Kumar Goli AKA Ashok Felix, a self-confessed patriotic Hyderabadi who is all of 25 years old and is currently the Director of Karlo Transport Private Limited and a member of EcoCabs among other things. Lets get on with the story, shall we, in his own words.

Soon after graduating in 2009, I went to Mysore for participating in the Flight Officer selections at the Air Force Selection Board (AFSB). I met candidates from all over the nation who were entirely different from me but at the same time shared the same passion that I had in our country. I got selected but didn’t join (a whole different story). Noticed that several of the potential Flight Officers were unaware of basic things that a citizen of India is supposed to know such as the Preamble to the Constitution of India, our National Pledge, etc. After returning from my medicals, I started asking my friends, relatives and colleagues if they knew these things and researching on why most of them didn’t even have a nominal idea about such important stuff regarding India. Found out it’s the lack of easily available information. Realized that change always begins from a single step and decided to take it.

Sorry to interrupt but the message here is that Ashok brought out his Inner-AAM and in the classic tradition of the Nataraja thandava, is giving abhayam to seekers of justice and trampling corrupt lawyers. A salute by this nacheez i.e. yours truly –

I immediately started working on an Android App (Note: I had no prior programming experience or knowledge of Law) and launched the very first basic "Constitution of India" android app on the Android Market (Android Play Store now). People really liked it, found it useful and started interacting with me on a daily basis through the feedback system built within the app. Most of the users were either law students, professional lawyers or judges in courts. I started getting suggestions, improvement ideas and the app eventually turned into the final version that is available in the market now. The morphing process was gradual. I started getting more and more requests for law applications as the data for the bare acts is really hard to find and harder still to categorize and understand. Based on the framework that I built for Constitution of India, I started gathering data from various government websites and through RTI. Each act took about a month to develop and publish. Began publishing apps act-wise as it’s easier for people to download, view and search through the apps. Each of these apps has the facility to search the central act library via web. Published about 20 apps and a lot more in queue.
Laws affect us all. And increasingly, bare acts are being searched for, read and used by a broad range of people. Bare acts are no longer confined to professional libraries but are considered intricate and intimidating. The apps empower people to directly access, search for and discuss the law of the land in the most simple way possible – using the smart phone. Given that my apps realize their full potential in the hands of people studying and practicing law, their aim is to provide the common man, the power and resources to look into the rules that define and build India. The main purpose of the law apps is to uncomplicate law, open it up for everyday discussion via the social features in the apps and make the information easily available offline.
Imagine a lawyer in a court being able to present his case without carrying any books and without wasting time to pin point the chapter number and section number. Imagine a judge being able to verify the arguments almost instantaneously by searching for specific content in all the laws of India, saving valuable time and speeding up the decision process. Imagine a client going to the lawyer and being able to discuss his specific issues by completely understanding the sections his issues are related to. Imagine a law student going to college/court with just his smartphone and work on it entirely. Imagine a teenage kid being able to read/watch a civil dispute in the news and cross reference the discussion. Imagine a normal person caught speeding on the road and finding out the exact fine amount when a corrupt police official demands a hefty fine. My apps give Aam-Aadmi the power to access all the information or laws that are related to him and that affect him.

Words to live by, or rather, draw by in this case. Please head over to CWorks for a visual depiction of how Ashok Inner-AAM is helping people rise against the reign of corrupt lawyers. As the old adage goes, information/knowledge is power. Indeed.

Call for Rise of Nation of Inner-AAMs

Whenever it passes muster that I doodle, just about everybody in India or those with roots to India mention the iconic so-called Common-Man character of R.K.Laxman to which Wikipedia has the following to say:

The Common-Man is the creation of author and cartoonist R. K. Laxman. For over a half century, the Common-Man has represented hopes, aspirations, troubles and perhaps even foibles of the average Indian, through a daily comic strip, “You Said It” in The Times of India. The comic was started in 1951.

When Laxman began to draw cartoons in The Times of India, he attempted to represent different states and cultures in India. In the rush to meet deadlines, he began to draw fewer and fewer background characters, until finally he found only one remaining – the now-familiar Common-Man who generally acts as a silent witness to all the action in the comic.

Being the contrarian that I am, just about everybody in India or those with roots to India is taken aback and fall from their smugness cloud when I reveal that I really do not like the so-called Common-Man character and that while I have no reason to disrespect Laxman as a person and even admire him for his art and drawings, I do not actually respect Laxman as an author and cartoonist for he has pissed on a great opportunity and platform. Rather than inspire people by making the recurring character an agent of change, he played his part, however miniscule, making the character hapless and clueless and in so doing, conditioned people to be suffering bovines happily quipping “arre bhai, India mein aisa hi hotha hai” with an annoying and lazy “chalta hai yaar” attitude. Before everybody in India or those with roots to India thinks that this is just my opinion, Laxman has on record parroted the same thing, “The Common-Man symbolises the mute millions of India, or perhaps the whole world, a silent spectator of marching time.”
Now one could say that maybe I am looking too much into some imagery. Could be but iconography is a powerful thing which is seldom acknowledged. Discussing imagery as iconography implies a critical “reading” of imagery that often attempts to explore social and cultural values. Allow me to make an observation. If we study imagery of icons – fictional or real – we can immediately see some patterns. For the sake of simplicity, if we just compare non-religious icons of USA and India, the noticeable icons and paragons of the Western world have been superheroes fighting evil and preserving the American way of life while the icon worthy of mention in India is arguably Common-Man who is a speechless village idiot whose inaction has created a rotting, stinking, corrupt, poor, sickening, diseased, infested, horrible, broken, polluted, communal, violent, uneducated… catch the wave, stench of an excuse of a country called India. Let this vomit throw up in your mouth and sink in.
A wise man once said to me that how we want to be treated by others is dependant on us and our actions and not the largesse and manners of others. I for one feel that the Common-Man has an Inner-AAM (Angry And Mad) that is just wanting to explode and do something about the cacophony around him. Since Laxman will continue to draw the Common-Man as a damsel in distress and sell books, give speeches, get honoured etc. by the bucketload while at it, I am taking the artistic liberty of bursting the bubble and bringing out the Inner-AAM of demure character and fight the evils, worms, leeches, maggots… get the drift, of politicians, businesses, terrorism, policegiri, supersitions, rowdyism et al. in the hope it will inspire others, yes, all of you and you, the 2 readers of this blog who could very well fall under the common-man definition or an attempt towards a definition by Udit Misra, to fight –

Now, by associating myself with I Am Aam (a seller of t-shirts with a twist), I have brought out my Inner-AAM and have joined the fight to do my bit in the way I can by immortalizing the travails and adventures of Inner-AAMs across the length and breadth of India inspired by true stories. I understand that the suspense might be killing you and you want to see what it will be like and when you can see it but the key question, and perhaps the only question that should matter is, are you in? Are you going to bring out your Inner-AAM and join the fight? We’re all waiting!

P.S: Please go here at CWorks for the full-comic

India is Anna Hazare is India

Wow, what a catchy populist statement! No self-respecting cartoon-artist, nay no doodler can let it pass and so, just quickly simply some complicated elaboration…

To be liberal and critical if only for the sake of it, I think Kiran Bedi has got it right because with old ignorant millions starving for days altogether in this sad poverty stricken uber-corrupt country, India is indeed an ugly representative of Anna Hazare.

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India Independence Day 2011 – Cuffed and Shackled

It is and probably always has been very fashionable to say, nay quip that India is a land of contradictions. For once, I tend to agree with this today of all days because it is so-called “Independence Day” of the nation. I know very well that ‘independence’ does not mean nor ‘imply’ freedom by no sense nor definition of the words but for all the patriotism and jingoism to mark 64 years of independence from a cruel, racist, iron-fisted rule of the British, it seems to me that the common man of this country is still in bondage – clutches, suffering, cuffs, shackles and the works…

Ah yes, the contradictions. The police who are supposed to protect, torture. The politicians who are supposed to serve, rule. The doctors who are supposed to treat, harm. The corporations who are supposed to utilize, exploit. Finally, the people who are supposed to live, merely exist to drag yet another day without any hope towards a bleak future that is losing purpose with a unstable economy et al. I digress.

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NDM Superbug Vindicates India Superpower Status

This might be old news but still it is news that WHO endorsed Lancet report on India giving rise to NDM superbug that can potentially threaten the whole world but hey, why see this as such a bad thing? Why should 3rd world douchedirt scumbags, read, Indians be scared of germs, take it as a national insult, see it as a Western political conspiracy to undermine medical tourism, feel that it will affect development growth and try to fight and refute it? Just pay heed to the politician…

Any person who has been taught history knows that any country holding a world-threatening thingy – be it a weapon or disease – is a bonafide superpower. In fact, America was won by fleeing Europeans because of germs mostly. Maybe, it is indeed India’s decade as some magazine put it naively and jingoistically.

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80:20 Communications Golden Ratio – EMail Proof

In the 2-weeks since I have been back from my 2-year exile and got into corporate work mode, I have attended 2 seminars/conferences which irrespective of the context and intent, eventually become back-scratching sales expos of one kind or another. I digress but if it is all about fresh change and change is constant then by association, everything is constant, no? What will be has always been and such quacks with some weird Murphy law pertaining to conservation of change or constancy or something. Don’t believe it? Let us put it to the test shall we? An example is needed and email is as good an example as any given that it is still the primary means of corporate communication. I said it and meet me offline to debate.
Hypothesis:
Now it may be the case that I have been away from email research for a while with my finger-in-pie projects of Soylent, MIT Media Labs’ Social Network Fragments and IBM Remail gotten archived serving as footnotes in information sciences research but we made a starkling discovery half a decade back that email is the most sticky social network of all and 80:20 (or Pareto Law or Rich-get-Richer or Power Log or Long Tail Graph etc.) is the golden ratio for communication patterns in any circumstance. Ergo, as a quick thought experiment, if you take all your contacts and conversations in your inbox and chart them by age and activity, it will be a classic long tail. Not only do you communicate with 20% people for 80% of the time but the 80% of the activity will happen in the first 20% timeline of the relationship. A corollary was that if you broadcast something, 80% of it gets lost in the ether and this is what I will put to the test today for your greymatter exercise pleasure.
Experiment:
I am not a people person but having missed the chance to experiment in Amazon Web Services Cloud Computing Event in Bangalore, I thought I’d gather data in the NASSCOM Product Conclave and Expo 2010. Oh, the things I do in the name of research. I managed to gather 31 visiting cards (this has to be outmoded BTW for green and convenience reasons – where are vCards, BlueTooth, semacodes, Bump, digital IDs, card scanners in smartphones et al.) and the next day while memory is still fresh, broadcasted an LoL-inducing cute long mail saying hello and spouting philosophy. Note that the sample was quite diverse with some whom I interacted with deeply to some whom I had lunch/coffee and some from whom I got a visiting card without making any verbal contact whatsoever. All bases covered.
Results and Conclusion:
Enough talk. Let us look at a snapshot of a spreadsheet with a pie-chart –

I guess the data speaks for itself. (Silence + Bounce = 25) is 80% and any scientist would be happy to be proven right and plug ‘I told you so’ but am not really religious err… I mean as a real scientist (who is often seen as a heretic in the circles), I take great thrill in being proven wrong in the best interests of progress. Alas, life has been dull! I salute thee who replied back, pursued the line of inquiry, called up, glued on LinkedIn etc. who make up the 20% because without them, there would be no 80% split now, would it? Yin and Yang. As a parting trivia, funny/serious thing is that those who responded did it 80% by email as mode of communication. No wonder Facebook seems to be getting into email as per chirps on the interwebs.
Le Why?
The quick answer to this, I don’t know nor do I have the skills/education to pursue this other than half-baked observational theories which are dime a dozen. Maybe, someone will pick this up and explore but for that to happen, more data is needed and more people should report back broadcast/response ratios in their email.

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UnPluggd – India Copy Startups – Coaching Rush

Heard on the Trak grapevine that UnPluggd Startup Oktoberfest is going to be held in Bengaluru, well duh, in October. Here’s my quick take on what is going to happen in this so-called “school for startups” and what I think has been happening per my naive observations/experiences, in so-called India startup ecosystem scene –

You know in the movie “Adaptation”, Charlie vents anger and loathes at his twin brother Donald for going to a writing workshop? I kinda feel that way about these schooling sessions for entrepreneurs. If folks have to go to seminars – not that I see UnPluggd as one but there will be such sessions am sure – and read books and such on how to innovate, they are not true entrepreneurs now, are they? You know, streaking their own paths and all that. Come to think of it, UnPluggd itself is not original as a concept. Heck, the tagline has ‘Oktoberfest’ for crying out loud with scant regard as to the origins of the word and careless disregard on how Germany would see the misuse. Am sorry, am not impressed with such harakiri. Ditto with startup ecosystem in India. Am just not a big fan of mediocre unoriginal startups just copying and getting by with desi versions of ideas from other places. Peace.

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India Immune to Inflation, Corruption, Exploitation

A Trak colleague/fan Viral Dholakia asked me to do something on the topic of inflation, particularly based on his, “Have Indians Become Immune to Inflation?” post to which my simple answer is a resounding YES. I however majorly disagree with the reasons cited in the article like supply-demand, economic growth, jobs and spending ability etc. because I think major reason is that of sheer helplessness. Munch on it or apply Occams Razor or whatever. You go to the market to buy some stuff and see some random price for it. What can you do other than curse for a little bit and buy it anyway? What other option is there? Ditto with other ills of corruption, brutality, exploitation et al. You are a psycho if you like them. So, we put up with it because there is absolutely nothing you can do. But we sure can enjoy the pain…

This is inspired from many a movie where the hero can endure any punishment meted out by villains while pouting testesterone charged dialogues for the masses and particularly, a skit/scene in the ‘Monty Python Flying Circus’ film, “Life of Brian” where Brian gets arrested and is put in a dark battered cell with a pain immunized hedonistic-for-torture prisoner singing praises of the Romans. Here is a transcript of the dialogue converted into a monologue for your reading pleasure –

You lucky, lucky bastard! Probably the little jailies’ pet, aren’t we? You must have slipt him a few shekels, eh? Oh, ohoh, what wouldn’t I give to be spat at in the face? I sometimes hang awake at night, dreaming of being spat at in the face. Manacles! Ohuuhoh… what idea of reaving; is to be allowed to put in manacles, just for a few hours. They must think a sun shines out your arse, sonny! You’ve had a hard time!? I’ve been here five years, they only hung me the right way up yesterday! So don’t you come ’round… They must think you’re lord God Almighty. Oh, you’ll probably get away with crucifixion. Yeah. First offense. Best thing the Romans ever did for us. Oh, yeah. If we didn’t have crucifixion, this country’d be in a right bloody mess. Nail ’em up I say! Nail some sense into ’em! Hah! Ptui! [Spit] Oh! Look at that! Bloody favouritism! Now take my case. They hang me up here five years ago. Every night they take me down for twenty minutes, then they hang me up again. Which I guard as very fair, in view of what I’ve done. And if nothing else, it has taught me to respect the Romans, and it has taught me that you’ll never get anywhere in this life, unless you are prepared to do a fair day’s work for a fair day’s… Oh haha! Nice one, centurion! Like it. Terrific race, Romans! Terrific.

Yep! Terrific politicans, businessmen and police we have too. Truly blessed.

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Student Satellite Madness – VSSC ISRO India Trend

A Jew comedian goes to meet a priest in a Church expressing concern over an acquantice of his converting from Christianity to Judaism purely for the jokes. When the priest asks, “And this offends you as a Yidd?” he says, “No, it offends me as a comedian”. This skit from Seinfeld TV sitcom is what flashed in my mind when I read, ‘Students Building their Own Satellites – Fantastic Emerging Trend in India’ as it offended me as a summer intern at VSSC, ISRO in 1999 because from what I know and saw, building a satellite is trivial if one has all the fabricated materials and instructions – much like assembling a PC which a 10 year old can do these days. In fact, ISRO gets shipments of DIY boxes from various countries and I saw first-hand what “building a satellite by students” involves for most part – tightening screws and running diagnostics. Heck, I did it myself. Inspite of my cynicism, am glad that a relatively better fad has caught on amongst the student population other than movies and cricket which might give those slugging it out a fighting opportunity to escape this 3rd world garbage dump to USA or UK or Australia and just about any country stupid enough to have them inspite of all the immigration hoops…

The most difficult and expensive phase is sending the satellite into the ether and even more important is what you do with it after because otherwise, it is just space junk. I rest my case. Let me be and ponder why that chicken is crossing the road.

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Company Blog Policies – Be Afraid, Very Afraid

It has recently come to my stray attention through this that Wipro has released a blog policy for its employees. True to their catching-up and copy-cat credentials, they did it after Infosys did it. I am no lawyer nor have the patience and spare time to read drivel. Nor should you (oops). So, here is a quick summary of what it means…

I wonder how digital coolies at these chop-shop sweatshops are taking the atrocity. Hold on a minute. Just as expected, there is no commentary on the interwebs at all. Nor any protests nor marches nor candle-light vigils. Clearly, controls are already working. Mark it for in the words that will be immortalized, oppression and bondage is a choice as much as freedom and liberty. If a large group of educated people (granted it is quasi, fake, airy and rote but still) give up freedom of expression in probably the most open medium there is because they are not allowed to or not supposed to or shackled by random rules, there is little hope for a society that is burdened to bear them. Yet, thousands of employees will go about their trivial mundane lives without a care of what it all means. Ah ingorance! thy name is bliss. Those that do are more than happy to lose their voice and just got a happy excuse. The real funny thing is the justifications of “safeguarding reputation of the brand and company” and “protecting intellectual property” and “confidentility of clients” behind these stifling guidelines. By releasing a blog policy and stating an intent to play big brother, Infosys and Wipro have damaged their pinhead reputations which makes me wonder if the powers that be followed the motto and ‘applied thought’? And by complying to this asphyxiation, our coolies have not earned any brownie points either. Cautionary tale on dangers of conformity. It makes droids out of individuals.

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India Map WRT Kashmir on Google – Humbug

According to this source, there has been wide coverage to the fact that Google is showing the India map wrongly with respect to Kashmir. Previously, there was some dispute over the demarcation of Arunachal Pradesh which was shown as part of China or so. Wonder what happened to that? I did not follow that up because honestly my dear readers, I don’t give a damn. Who cares about this junk anyway? This reminds me of the ye olde adage ‘penny wise pound foolish’ because the bickering is about some rocky useless piece(s) of land when 99% of the “correctly” depicted land is going to the dogs. Seriously. We are talking about cartography and accuracy now? If you roam about at your own risk and find yourself in some region surrounded by neighbourhood enemy armies of Pakistan, China, Burma, Nepal etc. you are pretty much screwed and no amount of arguing that it is the fault of Google is going to help your situation. On the ground, reality is pretty much what the barbed wires and keep-out signs state what soil belongs to which country. My advise to all of you silly jingoists out there – get a life. But of course, politicians will get some mileage with some elections or the other around the corner all the time –

Disclaimer first. The above cartoon is a mesh of 2 cartoons by Laxman. I could have drawn it myself but as a blue-blood software engineer by training, re-use is the mantra here. Hope ToI does not mind and am sure Sir Laxman himself supports a liberal CC license. With that out of the way, everything that has India in the headline and a foriegn agent sullying the name or borders of this great country is what feeds our fat netas. I will be surprised if such a speech as depicted is not being made in some panchayat elections as we speak to ignorant babus and clueless villagers.

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Pakistan Mulls over $5M Flood Relief Aid from India

I have commented elsewhere that India giving aid to other countries is like a leper giving his alms to a beggar who is down on her luck. It is funny and sad at the same time. However, given that the floods in Pakistan is a bonafide natural disaster (from web of course), the $5M relief package that India wants to give to Pakistan is applaudable. This is a tiny pittance compared to the money spent on newspaper ads on the eve of loser dead prime-minister Rajiv Gandhi birthday (or some other major event as per Congress diktat) and generous compared to the package being given to Leh but it is applaudable nonetheless. Now a country that is battered down and a wretched beggar should not be a chooser but that is exactly what Pakistan is doing by declining the aid package on grounds of vanity without consideration that it can be of some small help (negligible really after due corruption and bureaucracy) in saving human lives. Just goes to show how invaluable and insignificant life is in 3rd world countries. Wait, is it the other way around? You are a 3rd world country if you do not diplomatically accept money from another poverty infested country for the sake of some idiotic stupid nationalistic jingoist hate-mongering pride at the cost of lives of your own citizens. That sounds about right and a cartoon is in order –

Yep! India which is itself on a sinking ship is trying to save an adamant Pakistan which is not budging even when its master, the USA has spoken and Obama is urging. Funny thing here is that the really sad thing about all this is inspite of all the silliness, Pakistan as a failed country still performs better than India and others in many UN human development metrics. Here is evidence. Twisted and scary, innit?

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Social Media in Kashmir – Parroting ye Olde Yaps

In general, I think social media is a hype and a fad. Just because new services keep coming up all the time like WordPress or YouTube or Facebook or Twitter or whatever and people with internet connections on PC and increasingly mobile, can register and dump their neurosis and details of their breakfast or weekend plans on it does not make it a media in the true sense of the proverbial fourth estate. Let alone their purpose of creation, but these services serve a secondary function of channels for communication, information and broadcasting. If one studies history, there were innumerable channels and every one of them has been exploited by groups to tell the truth and lies. It is just human nature to spread propaganda and protect their own vested interests. What I guess am saying is that just because people in Kashmir have started using so-called social media, it does not mean that they have started to speak out or have found a new voice or something profound like ‘power to the masses’ junk. They just discovered and have the means of a new medium to tell the world what they have been telling for the past many years – India sucks (we all know that). What is sad though is that most of the ramblings of the misquided youth seem to be about hardships of the people (but not themselves) and atrocities of the state (they are unaffected from). So, when I saw this story, “Social Media in Kashmir is Happening”, I could not resist a quick doodle –

Now I have a theory of why that is. Simple one really. The really oppressed people never have the resources to tell their story. It is the vultures and crackheads – read, big media or citizen media – who tell the story that others want to hear. No one wants to hear the story of a shopkeeper who is bankrupt because some paid rogues pelt stones in gay abandon causing curfews. No one want to hear the story of the girl who has had a free ride to education just because she was born in Kashmir while several others born in other states and far more deserving do not get even basic schooling. No one wants to hear the story of how many innocent people get killed everyday and the staggering underperformance of Jammu and Kashmir as an economy because of silly avoidable conflicts day in and day out. There is frustration and anger. Well, boo-hoo, every citizen of every country feels that way at some point or the other. Everyone in India hates the country at a gut level for its gawaar netas and rowdy police as much as the other guy but not everybody resorts to throwing stones nor using social media to tell the world – which hardly gives a damn BTW – the oppression, corruption and violence. Keep saying it like a parrot only makes it diluted, boring and depressing. In other words, share stories and stop cribbing. Importantly, don’t yap and please use more than 140 characters.

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India to Move WTO Over USA H1B Visa Hike Bill

I love reading silly headlines in the morning. It feels like stupidity is alive and kicking which is always good for social commentators like yours truly. So, when I took the paper to the bathroom and saw “India to Move WTO Over USA H1B Visa Hike Bill” staring right at me, I laughed so hard that I took a big dump – literally. The sheer audacity of the optimism amused me. Drum-roll people for a quick doodle –

I think it is a fairly accurate depiction of the situation here even if I have to say so to myself. WTO is really the pet dog of the USA and is a fat lazy canine to even budge.

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India Rupee Symbol Everywhere – Sky Constellation

An advertisement in the paper today caught my attention for a strange silly symbol accompanied the price. It is the new symbol for the Indian rupee. Digging deeper I could find thousands of articles about it on the web. With a new keyboard by TVS, special key on a mobile phone and all, it seems to be cropping up everywhere –

For social commentators, wannabe writers and amateur cartoonists, a new symbol and rather interesting story preceding it is beautiful material. Stay tuned for more.

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India Retaliates for IT Chop-Shop Comment by USA

Imagine this scenario. You are going somewhere by train and carrying a lot of luggage. You arrive at the station and start haggling with a coolie. No one really knows the true effort estimate of a coolie but yet we negotiate. Eventually we arrive at some price and at the time of dispensing money, we almost always curse the coolie saying that we have been taken for a ride and such. We take pot-shots by using atrocious phrases to describe the gawaar coolie and his kind. If the coolie happens to hear our comments, he might mumble something but that is the extent of his reaction most of the time. It is just human nature and part of any monetary transaction for services. So, when I saw this “US Senator takes pot-shots by using Atrocious phrases like ‘Chop Shops’ for Infosys: Shouldn’t India Retaliate?” article over at Trak.in, I could not help myself but smile at ridiculousness of the question. I will leave it to readers to ponder about it themselves but here is what I think will happen at IT chop-shops in question that I can vouch for as a digital coolie myself –

The USA might think it is being smart by offloading the burden of building a cross-border Mexico wall to control the illegal immigration troves to India IT outsourcing industry via visa fee hike but little do they realize that ultimately the cost will be borne by the many America based clients that hire Indian IT workers directly or indirectly under goobledygook contracts. It will never come to cost competitiveness because $2000 hike will be absorbed easily for chop-shops work on high margins. As for the remark by some senator, as long as it is profitable, no one really cares what money making enterprises are called. Besides, as thick-skinned suckers, bring it all on.

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Taj Mahal, Pyramids are Empire Sponsored Tombs

Anyone who is brave enough to venture into old markets of any town and cities in India, or for that matter any other poor country, will notice hoardings, billboards and make-shift advertising plates scrambling for attention at eyeline and on the skyline. They dangle on poles and roofs by the last thread of some broken screw almost defying gravity and laws of physics and ethics. If the growth in such cacophony of business nature is extrapolated, it will not be far off/fetched before tombstones in graveyards will be seen as prime space for scribbles peddling wares promising happiness and joy for the whole family. If I were a promoter, I would be inclined to say that cemetries have great qualities and opportunites for advertisements. They capture the attention of people because of the peace and quiet etc. So, when I saw an illustration by Vasu in Sakshi Sunday Magazine some time ago, it reflected my thoughts and made me chuckle. I scanned it and here it is in all its glory –

Looking deeper, I questioned why would the guy in the picture be sick and pale and green? Could it be that idiot sod thinks this was not an advertisement but death caused/sponsored by some cola company? I could not put a finger on it but it made me wonder about tombs and sponsorship. This is hardly a futuristic phenomenon for there are instances all around us if we really looked. What is the Taj Mahal really but a tomb sponsored by erstwhile Mughal empire as a proxy display of power and wealth? It is high time before people saw it for what it is than some crazy idea of eternal love. Even so, there is documented evidence of slave labour, severed hands and whip deaths. Ditto with pyramids of Egypt which have traditionally been an icon of engineering prowess and cultural superiority but they are nothing but tombs of power-mad god-complex kings who even in death wanted to cross the river Styx first-class and craved for a premium deluxe specical place in heaven. No sirree, heaven was not enough to these buggers. They wanted box seats to watch the play as it unfolds down below. It makes me look at all these so-called wonders of the world with new eyes unveiling the monstrosity behind the farce and the ignoble intentions/cruelty behind these structures. To jest, all this started with a ponderance with why a cartoon character was puzzled in some random image of some booklet.

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State of Social Networking in India – ADD Version

It might have been a tad late but Aseem Rastogi, a colleague at Trak has a nice analytical post on the state of social networking ranks in India circa July 2010 using ComScore Media Metrix. Here is an ADD version for all you lazy Dicks and Ginas –

Facebook is #1 by a thin margin over Orkut which while at #2 is said to be slowly dying. I second (pun intended and proud of wordplay) the conclusion because web services are like sharks: if they are stagnant, they drown. Another key observation is Twitter on steroids jetpack growing by leaps and bounds.
PS: Rankings based on July YoY growth and unique visitors of ages 15 and up.

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Octopi Make Perfect Politicians

Antara Dev Sen of Little Magazine has a silly piece in the paper today titled, “We Want Our Own Octopus Oracle” linking ‘Paul the Oracle Octopus’ hype to India. Crass really. But as with just about everything else, there are always nuggets of good stuff hidden in any gutter. Particularly, the paragraph in which she argues that octopi make perfect politicians by evaluating survival and cheating characteristics –

… eight-armed Seer will dominate our lives and politics. In fact, soon we may see baby octopuses contesting elections – if the squirmy baba-log are related to the Ashtabhuj Baba they are fit to govern us, of course. And I have no doubt that they will make brilliant politicians.
For one, an octopus has no spine – it can mould itself any which way. Then, it is a master of camouflage. It can rapidly change colour, even its skin-texture, to fit its surroundings. Besides, it has excellent eyesight and a shrewd brain. Many believe octopus has nine brains, because each of its arms genuinely has a mind of its own. It would be a great help in a system where one arm doesn’t know what another is doing. When in tight spot, octopus can squeeze itself into any loophole and escape. And most importantly, it specialises in spraying ink to cloud your vision and play debauchery tricks …

Yup. octopi would be perfect politicians indeed. With Spain volunteering to provide security to such molluscs, it is a bonus and would be light on exchequer too.

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Fuel Price – Misleading Ad – Dripping Economy

Has this ever happened to you? See something out of ordinary and instantaneously get that feeling that there is something wrong with the picture at a gut level? You cannot quite put a finger to it but every fibre in your body says that this is not quite right and has to be analyzed deeper, time permitting? Well, that is exactly how my shell reacted when I saw this advertisement from the Ministry of Petroleum and Natural Gas in the Deccan Chronicle newspaper on 27th June 2010 –

Apparently, one Hashim Adil of Hyderabad shares my concern. In a letter today, he says that the advertisement justifying the hike in prices of LPG cylinder (this is wrong for it is liberalization which has inevitable led to a price hike) is ridiculous. It compares the prices of the commodity in neighbouring countries to make us believe that we are paying less. However, 577 Pakistan Rupees is equal to Rs 311 in India, 537 Bangladeshi Taka equals Rs 355 in India and 822 Sri Lankan Rupees equals Rs 333 in India. LPG costs more in India than in Pakistan and Sri Lanka.

There are a number of issues here. First and foremost is very publication of an advertisement by ministry to justify a decision it took without any regard to previous commissions and opposition. Second, the accuracy of the advertisement has been called into question and there is no one exploring. Where is the so-called hawkish factual rigour in reporting that people are giving and getting awards for? (which seems to be all the time). Is anyone looking deeper if the prices published are normalized to cylinder volumes and currency? I certainly do not hear any newsbytes. Third, comparing prices of other washed-out hopeless countries that surround this pathetic excuse of a nation is just giving excuses and betting on sadistic catharsis in the misfortune of others. So, some poor sod in Bangladesh is paying more for LPG and Kerosene. This proves what exactly? Why some stupid government in some idiot country charges what for some commodity is a matter of some policy and some arrangements they have with some oil producing nations and some oil company. What does that have to do with prices in India? But wait dear reader, the main analysis of my gut feeling and discomfiture is that the whole premise of the advertisement is wrong because it was designed to mislead people into thinking that the government is still doing a better job than the governments of genocidial poverty-ridden violent terrorist failed states. Is this the company we want to compare ourselves with? Why is the comparision not made to fuel prices of the USA where petrol costs half than what we pay at the bunk? The use of media and the English language is just an icing on the cake to prove that we live in a very controlled and suggestive society. The only people who can read and understand this silly advertisement in the first place are the urban middle-class who have some swing and make noises. By satisfying this no-good rubric, the ministry has a free pass.

I hope am not being Chomskyish here and shouting some conspiracy because Jayati Ghosh in her editorial today titled, Dripping Economy gives many points to ponder about the very timing and necessity of “freeing” the price of petroleum products in the midst of almost unprecedented food and generalised inflation. I could not believe that Capsicum is 90/- a kilo…

oil is a universal intermediate (which enters directly or indirectly into all other prices) this necessarily means a further rise in inflation. This is a move that is inexplicable from the point of view of general economic policy. Global prices of petroleum products in the past three years have been marked by the most extreme volatility, more than doubling and then falling to nearly half within a period of 18 months. The fluctuations hardly reflect “economic fundamentals” which have not changed much in the past few years; rather they show the impact of global speculative forces on fuel prices

UPA government has been trying for some time to decontrol oil prices, despite the global volatility in these prices and the lack of convincing arguments in favour of such deregulation. The Rangarajan Committee on the pricing and taxation of petroleum products was set up in the hope that it would recommend such a move. But that report did not really point to this conclusion, so the government, not to be thwarted in its desire, set up yet another committee. This time it was an Expert Group chaired by former Planning Commission member Kirit Parikh, with the more or less explicit mandate to recommend wholesale liberalisation of the pricing of petroleum products. The Expert Group duly did just that, and the government has been quick to accept its recommendations

official reason for this move is that it is necessary to stem the “losses” being suffered by the oil marketing companies. But this argument misses the point that all of these companies deliver a range of products and services, the prices of all of which are not controlled. In fact, profits after taxes of the most important oil companies have remained positive and often quite substantially so in the past 10 years. The oil refineries and governement also get a huge pay-off from taxes and levies but they are not willing to budge. Current strategy is one that puts the entire burden of irrational shifts in the international prices of oil on the consumer, even if the burden sharing involved is extremely regressive and unjustified

So, there you have it. The most obvious reason for the deregulation or price hike or whatever you want to call this scum scam, seems to be that the government has chosen to favour the private companies that have been allowed to enter and expand in this sector. This has encouraged the government to take a measure that will cause great harm to most of the population so as to bring in more profits to a few large and powerful companies and of course itself. It also gives people a chance like Andhra Pradesh CM to be a hero by giving statements that the state will buffer the poor from the price increase. This brings to mind popular adage: “Either the government owns the oil companies, or the oil companies own the government.”

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India Demands Haagen-Dazs Apology – Racist Price

Quite a furore has been raised over the “Haagen-Dazs Opens No-Indians-Allowed Store” – much of it in sensationalist media and from a sort of entry-level life forms that intellectually have yet to emerge from the primordial ooze viz. blogosphere and tweeples. You know when something has been over-hyped when even Shobha De comes to the party and screams, “India Screams for Ice Cream!”. To be fair she does make a few interesting points. It was bound to happen, you know, monkeys-typewriters-shakespeare (37 plays, roughly two in English) which inspired this…

I really do not want to do this but I have to credit my source. Damn ye ethics –

Are we really that sensitive as to go ballistic over a cup of a hazel nut and raspberry duo that costs the earth? Come on, guys! That corny line about entry restricted to ‘international passport holders only’ was exactly that – corny! All passports by definition are international, remember? What’s a “local” passport?? It was obviously the brainchild of an immature copywriter taking a shot at being extra clever. Clearly, the ad agency got it all wrong, and now the excreta has hit the ceiling. Various groups have banded together to scream, “Racism” and demand an apology if not an immediate closure of the Delhi outlet. At the time of writing, public outrage was beginning to snowball into something major. This may change if something juicier diverts media attention, and bloggers discover a new bête noire. But for now, tweets by the nano second are flying around the world mobilising opinion against the brand’s provocative advertising

They say nothing works as brilliantly as publicity that hammers home a message – regardless of what that message is. Repeated often enough, it sinks into our khopdis and there it stays. After a point, not many people remember why they remember it – but the fact remains, they do! Target achieved. So it might be with the Indian consumer and Haagen-Dazs – the ice cream with attitude. We have taken offence (count me in!) at what is seen as a racial slur, a national insult, a crime. Our izzat is at stake and we shall go to any length to protect it. By over-reacting, we have done the brand a huge favour. Jaaney do. The latest controversy has led to a free national awareness campaign that would otherwise have cost the brand a huge amount of money. The ice cream is front-page news and a matter of heated debate across channels at prime time. Indians are bored at the moment. There is very little action to distract our attention.

A stupid ice-cream brand chose to launch during winter and is generating heat.

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Mathematics of War – 3 – Reality, Why and Other

A wise person (who inadvertently happens to be your parents or grandparents once you are old enough) once said that if one looks at just about anything, closely and long enough, one can always find faults, patterns, cracks. Be it images of perfect airbrushed models or character traits of arguably greatest of men like Mahatma Gandhi or cruelest of men like Adolf Hitler. So, it was no surprise that on marinating the “Common Ecology Quantifies Human Insurgency” paper (popularly – oh the horror of laying it out to the man on the street – known as ‘Mathematics of War’ or ‘Ecology of War’ depending on how stupid the publisher is) in my consciousness long enough, I found many quantitative and qualitative faults, patterns and cracks in the assumptions, data, analysis and conclusions to the extent of being tempted to say it is not entirely devoid of errors and it is not entirely out of line to say it is a load of crap – the suspect scholarship itself, evident oversimplification of ground reality by arm-chair theorizing and TED drummed hype that followed. But some stink more than the others. Like most of you who may have a life of sorts, and if not, get one, I have neither the time nor the inclination to go into details and till I see any sliver of feedback (monetory or otherwise), my detailed critique/review will remain in dark alleys of a rotten brain. This is a blog and I, and you, are entitled to my opinions. I will (try to) be brief. No promises. Here are a 1000 words for starters (with each frame and line and word having a story to tell on its own if not already so)…

The cartoon (inspired by a classic stock trading madness one by Kal of Economist which also reflects the allusion of financial markets simile) tries to address 2 things at a high level. The ‘why’ and ‘other’ side of the coin. Allow me to elaborate –
1) For a paper that flaunts to be the mathematics or ecology of war (strike-1: make up your mind), the core question of ‘why’ remains unanswered other than the broad strokes of generalizing it to violent primal animalistic human behaviour in a conflict scenario viz. ganging up and acting out of reptilian-minded self-preservation and just silly attention-seeking, message-sending, authority-opposing, loathing-fired, territory-protecting, family-first, religion-tampered, son-of-gun, honour-killing, blood-thirsty, cult-following, brain-washed, nepotism-led, arms-dealing corporate interest driven, virgin-seeking, nation-gaurding, eye-for-an-eye revenge. Out of the 6 wise questions of who, when, where, what, why and how of anything, it is the ‘why’ that is always most important and difficult one to answer. Unsurprisingly, it is not always forthcoming and so is the case with the current research/paper/letter/talk/hype/site in question. My answer to ‘why’ is not my answer because it has been addressed before. In any conflict, the main reason for all the tomfoolery is primarily a result of ye-olde mis-communication and bad decision-making. People act irrationally (or whatever it is the paper insinuates) because for all the wisdom of the world, groups only serve the purpose of amplifying stupidity and at discrete time-steps under pressure with only incomplete information and shrouded judgment as a way of life and we don’t have to observe a conflict to come to that conclusion. It is kinda obvious from shopping to ordering pizza. Patterns. Patterns. Everywhere
2) The paper does not address the most important element to any conflict which is the ‘other’ side. It paints the terrorists (putting on my linguist hat ala Chomsky, this is a wrong word in itself because if it is used, it automatically implies the branded-as-such people as bad which is just one point-of-view) as villains from the word go and does not give due weight to the acts of the ‘other’ side, say the state police or occupying USA troops in Afghanistan. If you ask me, the patterns of behaviour of the ‘other’ side are just as irrational and fueled by internal politics (no matter how hierarchical they are organized) and media sound-bytes as the insurgents (again, a bad and violent word that should not have been used in interests of neutrality). We all know it takes two to tango or two hands to make a clap or no smoke without fire or every action has an opposite reaction or what goes round comes around and such idioms. Not considering/mentioning, let alone understanding the role of the ‘other’ side and how they influence/provoke behaviour of freedom-fighters (terrorists by other name), is like saying – well, I cannot think of a suitable analogy because there are so many of them that apply here – the insurgents are evil by birth and all that the paper is trying to do, in a fly-on-wall (when it really should be cat-on-wall) manner is quantify their evil-doings somewhat like an overbearing God who at the same time turns a blind eye at the misdemeanours of his chosen people. It’s just plain wrong. Besides, there are too many Gods already responsible for much mess that has/going/will in the world but discussing religion is slightly off-topic, no?
When seen with that lens of favouritism, it is of course obvious that patterns can be identified in the reactions (yes, not actions) of insurgents. Suffice to say that what we are seeing here is simply a human collective not showing the other cheek when slapped and that maybe, just maybe, we should perhaps be more concerned why did the slap happen and importantly, whose hand is it that was raised leading to harakiri? Again, there will be patterns to series of events that led to this situation. So, my question is this: Can we identify “that” pattern of circumstances that triggers insurgency? I believe we can (if one looks closely and long enough goes without saying). If so, that will be the right path to understand misunderstandings. To the best of my knowledge from private communication, Sean Gourley is already at work along these lines and I hope whatever comes out of that is not half as bad as the paper we are discussing, er, opiniating. Lest I forget, as for the errors in data and analysis, I informally tried applying their methods to Kashmir situation and I was disappointed and felt cheated. The first thing that came into my mind was that maybe my data was not clean or my interpretations of the paper and formulae. It takes a great and beautiful mind to accept mistakes. Mine is certainly not. So there.

PS: If you are wondering what happened to part-2 of series, well, keep wondering. I did not think it was worth my typing and am famously lazy. You are however free to think of it as a forced workshop on imagining or maybe, Quentin Tarantino stylism

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Beggars Can Be Readers – Breakfast Newspaper

Looks like it is not just me but a lot others have this habit of reading a newspaper while having breakfast. Beggars can’t be choosers but they can be readers…

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Australian Big Dick, Atanu and Sex Lives of Indians

Met an old mate at shuttle court and being an ex-NRI USA return, he inadvertantly asked, “Wassup?” in Budweiser tone (you know the commercial of an alien going back to the galactic council?). I answered nothing. He asked me how Atanu Dey was doing and if I talked to him recently. I asked why. He said Atanu’s rants are getting quite heated, paranoid and bubbling with hatred of Indians, Government, Muslims and Islam. He showed off his latest gadget and showed latest tweets and posts. I had to agree but let us not digress from topic. While playing around ‘Asian Correspondent’, we came across, “Tiny Penises to Blame” by Mr. Beck of Perth, Australia which references the “Indians Don’t Like Sex and Don’t Have Sex” article by Atanu Dey. I present the penis article by the dick in question in all its nudity…

A really interesting post from Atanu Dey about sex lives of Indians. See folks, the problem here is those tiny little Indian penises:

Survey of more than 1,000 men in India has concluded that condoms made according to international sizes are too large for a majority of Indians. Study found that more than half of the men measured had penises that were shorter than international standards for condoms

Australians both enjoy sex and engage in it often. Massive they are.

I wanted to write a comment but could not because the ‘security code’ thing at AC seems to be broken. I saw it as a sign because I don’t believe in leaving comments when I maintain a blog. So, here we are. First of all, the Atanu article was not about penises at all. In fact the title is what one calls a sensationalist attention-grabbing sleight-of-hand bucket of text meant to mislead because the first para reads, “That, dear boys and girls, is clearly not so. First of all, the storks did not deliver the babies that go on to make up the 1.2 billion population. There aren’t that many storks in the world. Clearly Indians do have sex and I am certain that some even like it.” So, the joke is clearly on Mr. Beck of Perth, Australia. I however salute him for the BBC story although it is rather pretty obvious. Indians are small people compared to first world countries because of decades of slavery, exploitation, suffering, and malnutrition. No masters, except USA who bred blacks for their athletic attributes wants to see slaves beefing up under cruel sado-occupational rule. If the condom sizes sync with Africans who are much worse off economically it is because blacks have bigger sticks than other races. Seems like what Indians lack in size, they make up for it in virility, numerosity, frequency and stamina which according to any other research is what really matters. Moving away from size and to the point of liking sex, if there is any truth to Indians not having enough sex then we can see a correlation with culture and marriage which we all know suck the sex drive. No matter what, the joke is yet once again on Mr. Beck of Perth, Australia. I wanted to blast the dripping ignorance, superiority complex and blatant racism but then I realized that well, the big dick (quite literally) seeing the penis size link I suppose in an article which is entirely off-topic and side-footed, is the classic anthropological principle/bias at play here i.e. humans tend to see what they want to see. As for size comparision and flaunting of his Australian sausage (how insecure are we?), when it comes to men individually or as nations, it all about who has biggest dick. (cue: “Six Feet Under”)

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Joker of Year – Kalmadi – FIFA World Cup in India

Sometimes an article comes along that is just worth spreading such as “Kalmadi Kicks up a Laugh Riot” in DC today accompanied by nice little image and fact-file…

Say what you may about Indian Olympic Association president Suresh Kalmadi, one thing can’t be denied; The 65-year old can make most optimistic amongst us seem like Arthur Schopenhauer. At Commonwealth Heads of Government Meeting at Port-of-Spain, he surprised all present with his proclamation that once India successfully staged next year’s Commonwealth Games in New Delhi the nation could soon launch a bid to host the world’s most popular sporting extravaganza – the FIFA World Cup. Ironically his promulgation was made in Trinidad and Tobago, which in 2006 became the smallest nation to ever qualify for the quadrennial showcase with a population just exceeding one million. The closest India, with a population of over a billion, have come to gracing world football’s biggest stage was in 1950 when it qualified for the World Cup held in Brazil but were eventually unable to compete as the team played barefoot. Cutting to the ground reality, Kalmadi ignored probably the most important element to host a football World Cup – the infrastructure.

FIFA sets a minimum requirement of 12 stadiums capable of seating at least 40,000 spectators, while a stadium with a minimum capacity of 80,000 is required for the opening match and the final. At present, India has just one stadium which matches up to AFC criteria, where the minimum allowed capacity is 20,000 – the Gachibowli Stadium in Hyderabad. The national team’s preferred home venue, the Ambedkar Stadium, which has been the sight for many a historic triumph, falls short of matching-up to AFC standards. If that doesn’t bode well, the scenario with the training facilities is even bleaker. India is so woefully short of training facilities that national team is forced to train in high school playgrounds during prestigious tournaments like AFC Challenge Cup and the Nehru Cup and has to routinely travel abroad for national camps as there are no training facilities in the country.

National team coach Bob Houghton, more of a realist than Kalmadi, has more than once stated that before we start dreaming of qualifying for the World Cup, much less dream of hosting it, we should keep in mind that the two biggest and most historic clubs in the country – East Bengal and Mohun Bagan – don’t have their own training grounds even after over 100 years of existence. With the hosts for the 2018 and 2022 FIFA World Cups being announced together in 2011, India doesn’t have a chance at making a bid before 2026 and even so, one wonders how successful a bid from a nation which has never qualified for the World Cup would be.

[Tweet – 20091225]: Ultimate irony that India could not compete in 1950 world cup in Brazil is that they played “barefoot” a sport called football – not, bootball. Classic

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