Frasier Quotes

13 August, 2004 at 15:40 Leave a comment

Niles : Well, as some illustrious person said, “popularity is the hallmark of mediocrity.”
Frasier : You just made that up, didn’t you?
Niles : Yes, but I stand by it.
——————–
Daphne : Oh, come on now, Dr Crane. It’s not like men have never used sex to get what they want.
Frasier : How can we possibly USE sex to get what we want? Sex IS what we want.
——————–
Daphne (about her mother): I suppose she can be a bit overbearing. But as she often points out, she is paying for the wedding and I am her only daughter and giving birth to me was so painful she did bite through a kitchen spoon.
——————–
Frasier : Just picture it, Daphne. Aren’t they something? As you and Donny exit the church one dozen white birds of peace will be released and circle above. Of course, we’ll use fourteen in actuality; the power lines always take out a few
——————–
Roz : When I die, I want it to be on my 100th birthday, in my beach house on Maui and I want my husband to be so upset that he has to drop out of college
——————–
Daphne : When will you just admit that this junk belongs in a dustbin?
Martin : You know, I was on a case once where the wife constantly nagged the husband like this. “You never put anything in the garbage. Why don’t you ever put anything in the garbage?”
Daphne : Well, he should have listened to her.
Martin : Oh, he did. And that’s where we found her!
——————–
Frasier : Listen Niles, I’d like you to do my show for me for the week I’m gone.
Niles : Me standing in for you? I’m sorry, Frasier. I couldn’t presume to fill those big floppy red shoes of yours.
——————–
Niles : Look, I know I don’t have your total support in this, but… how shall I put this?
Frasier : You don’t care?
Niles : If you could work the phrase “rat’s ass” into there, you’d have it.
——————–
[On the art of kickboxing which Niles takes up]
Niles : You know, it requires a lot of talent. You have to have timing and balance, the ability to strike and instantly retreat.
Martin : So you kick them and then run away?
Niles : Yes. My instructor says I’m a natural.
——————–
Frasier : Niles, is there a light bulb over my head?
Niles : You have an idea?
Frasier : No, I’m asking if there’s actually a light bulb over my head.
——————–
[Frasier is chatting with Niles when a fan comes up to them]
Woman: Oh my God, you’re Frasier Crane. Could I bother you for an autograph?
Frasier: No, you can’t. It’s never a bother.
Woman: I love your show.
Frasier: Oh, thank you.
Woman: I just think you’re like the smartest guy on the face of the earth.
Frasier: Well, one does hear tales of a certain wise man in Tibet, but why split hairs? There you go.
[The woman leaves and Frasier returns to the conversation with Niles]
Frasier: Where was I?
Niles: You were last seen hiking up Mount Ego!
——————–
Frasier : I hate lawyers.
Niles : Oh, me too, but they make wonderful patients. They have excellent health insurance, and they never get better.
——————–
[Frasier is on air with a caller]
Frasier: So, you were completely bald.
Caller: Yes, the perm destroyed my hair. I was sure my sisters were going to laugh at me. But, they all kissed me and then they marched into the bathroom and shaved their heads too, just so I wouldn’t feel like a freak.
Frasier: Amazing! Well, there you have it, Seattle – the miracle of the sibling relationship spelled out in an unselfish act of head-shaving. Well, that’s about all the time we have. I’d like to thank my brother Dr. Niles Crane for being here today. Niles, I would shave my head for you.
Niles: A gesture which becomes less significant with each passing year.
——————–
Frasier : Niles, will you please stop being so morose? It is Thanksgiving.
Niles : Oh, you’re right! I should count my blessings: I’m in the midst of a bitter divorce. Maris is freezing my assets, forcing me to live in the Shangri-La, which is the devil’s own apartment complex. Where, last night, they turned off my heat, re-freezing my assets.
——————–
Daphne : I suppose all brothers are like that. Mine certainly were. Everything was a contest! Who could the run the fastest, jump the highest. They even had this strange one where they’d take little brother Michael, put him in a potato sack and see who could roll him the farthest over the frozen lake out back. I loved that game!
——————–
Niles: “Dad, did you know that Lake Nomohegan was formed by the retreat of several glaciers during the Cenezoic Era?
Fraiser: “Which, coincidentally, is the last time anyone caught a fish in it!”
——————–
Frasier: “So are you suggesting that I go along and pretend I’m enjoying myself in something that gives me no pleasure at all just to hear the words I love you?”
Daphne: “Why not? Women have been doing it for centuries.”
——————–
Frasier: “Sorry to drop by unannounced – I know how annoying it is to drop by without calling first.”
Niles: “Don’t worry – I used to do it all the time.”
Frasier: “That’s how I know.”
——————–
Niles: Moving on to me, what’s the verdict on my new look?
Frasier: I give up. What are you talking about?
Niles: My new mustache. I grant you, it’s at an early stage.
Frasier: What stage, Research & Development?
——————–
Martin: Wow, Frasier. I may have underestimated you.
Frasier: Really?
Martin: Yeah, you’re making a bigger jackass of yourself than I thought.
——————–
Frasier: “You know, this building isn’t as exclusive as you think – your doorman waved me through.”
Niles: “That’s because he knows you.”
Frasier: “Oh, fan of my show?”
Niles: “No, he lives in your building.”
——————–
Daphne is helped up off the floor by Frasier, Niles and Martin:(182)
Martin: Daphne, I just thought of something funny – it took 3 Cranes to lift you!
——————–

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Entry filed under: Arts, News-Media, WebXP.

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